How to avoid a common mistake in storytelling

Are you a specialist in your field?  Do you have a way of working, coaching, developing a product or creating art that is so unique that you can’t wait to talk about it?  That’s fantastic!  There are people eagerly awaiting your story, and hungry for what you have to offer.  The trick is not to bore them before they get to the good stuff about you!

We all have experienced the situation that I am talking about; You simple ask, “ what is it you do?”  to a new acquaintance and what seems like an eternity later, the flood of information is still rising  and you are searching the room for a rescue.

Well-intentioned as this person may be, they suffer from what my husband has termed “lack of situational awareness”.

We certainly don’t want to think that we could ever be that person (heaven forbid!) but there is an awareness that we need to have when we develop our stories; I am speaking specifically of stories that we tell about ourselves, what we do, and how we help others.  These stories are crucial to the success of entrepreneurs, authors, coaches… really anyone that wants to be successful and influence others.

The key is to keep your story succinct.  Follow this easy template:

• Who are you?  Or Who is the person/ client that you helped?
• What happened to you or them?  What was the problem?
• What did you do?
• What is the result of your actions/ program/teaching, etc?

The most difficult of these steps for most enthusiastic professionals is the third one, “what did you do?”  (This is where “succinct” gets forgotten) This step is the most difficult because a specialist loves what they do, and wants to proudly say “how” they do it.  Problem is, the listener, at least initially, is more attracted to “what was the result?”  Don’t forget, it is human nature to constantly use the filtering question, “what’s in it for me?”    Drown your listener with your “process” and they won’t see the payoff quickly enough, and they zone out.  Eyes glaze over and a polite exit from the conversation will most likely me next. 

To prevent that disconnect, learn to be aware of when you go into “process.”

An example:

A woman named Liza runs an alcohol  recovery program.  She proudly tells: “ A 21 year old man was brought to me; he was living on the streets, hungry and very thin and truly didn’t know how he would survive the next night, I introduced him to our unique program and within months he learned that he could contribute  greatly to society, and now owns a business, and a home and is living a life he could not imagine just two years ago!”

Curious about that program, huh?  Notice, nothing is said about the process of what she does… the experience of the young man’s recovery is engaging, and we are left to ask the question, “ wow, what is this program?”  If you get the listener to want to know more, then you have permission to go into what your process actually is.

Had Liza gone into detail right in the beginning, “ we placed in him a room in our facility where there was 24 hour watch, and provided him with nutritional testing, and a need-specific diet.  We engaged him in group session and single therapy sessions on a daily basis until…. ( blah blah…uh huh), how many people would be ready to ask for more information?  There would be no need, and the experience of the man’s story would have been diluted by excess of words.

It takes some practice to understand what “process” tallk sounds like…    I had a coach that would call me on it! Every time I would start to describe the “How I do It” she would shout, “process!”  (And I would hate her momentarily…  but, it helped!)

Focus on the experience of what you do.  Let them see how you can help them, their company, their loved one.  Then, let them ask for more.

I have been at odds with a crooked palm tree for a long time.

Every time I would enter my bedroom, my eyes would inevitably focus on this plant and I would sigh in irritation. For whatever reason this palm has grown sideways, twisted, and then just slightly upward.  It defies the rule of a straight and majestic palm.  It was not pretty to me. Since I can’t discard a living thing, I placed it in the master bedroom because it was less likely to be seen by guests.  That decision prompted the lesson because I inadvertently positioned it in my eye line every day.

In truth, I saw it as a representation of how off-course parts of my life were. I had new business ventures and my learning curve resembled the path of an arcade pinball.  Some days I would be right on track, then an unforeseen challenge would knock me to the side and I’d want to start all over.  The tree mocked me. I scowled at it.   I wished it straight.  Then I’d wish it dead.  I imagined how pretty that area of the room would be with a lovely “perfect” tree in its place. It taunted me daily.

Just this past weekend, we had several plants treated to their much-needed repotting and feeding; as the crooked palm was lifted back inside the house I was sitting with my business coach.  I saw her eyes glance toward the offensive plant and I immediately quipped, “ I don’t know what to do with that, It’s so ugly.  I don’t know why it has grown like that.”  

Her simply stated response was filled with the type of wisdom that comes naturally to a great coach. With an appreciative evaluation of the twisted trunk, she said, “It’s not ugly.  Think of it as a lovely symbol of how the path to success is not a straight one, but as long as you are still growing, success is still being achieved.” 

I contemplated the tree with this new filter.

Certainly, this palm was persevering, despite the odds that caused its deformity in the past.  The leaves were bright and fresh green could be seen as new shoots were sprouting.  It was still reaching for the sky, undaunted.  It was really something beautiful.

I love this tree now. 

How many times do we sigh in disgust at our perceived inadequacies, or try to hide our flaws at the cost of the progressive experience of learning to accept ourselves, as we are, where we are.  I’ll admit I’m guilty.

I work with very smart, successful, talented individuals to overcome inaccurate perceptions of their shortcomings every day (Almost nothing can help with this better than a camera lens).  Often, the very thing that we think of as an obvious personal weakness is part of our uniqueness that is so attractive to others.

A nursing professional doing an informative video for others in her field need not worry that she doesn’t have the polish and cadence of an entertainment reporter; it’s her down-to earth approach to her information and her subtle, honest humor that will create a comfort level with her particular audience. She is perfectly equipped.

I always recommend media training to really share information efficiently, of course, but I also firmly believe that we are perfectly and divinely gifted with the individual characteristics that enable us to best communicate with our desired audience.  Our perception may be the only thing standing in the way of our greatness.  Sometimes it takes an outsider to help us appreciate our most beautiful assets.

Where are the beautiful crooked trees in your life?