Archive for the ‘Encouragement’ Category

3 Ways to “Get Over It!”

The issue of negative body image seems to be, quite frankly, beaten to death. Resurrected, and beaten again.

Everywhere we look, we see headlines condemning the media for creating this obsession with our bodies, and yet, the headlines themselves are developed from the same source that put the retouched photos, and deathly thin models in the spotlight in the first place.  It seems this could go on in perpetuity; a vicious cycle of deliberate image distortion and glamorization of extreme low body weight leading to damaged self esteem in women, and then we are fed a remedy of nurturing-sounded magazine articles on how to “love ourselves as we are,” only to turn the page to another photo-shopped 30 year-old selling wrinkle cream.

 The cycle begins again.

Psychology Today refers to studies that show women in their 40’s to have a grasp on this cycle.  We recognize it as an evil strategy to sell magazines, weight loss formulas and anti-aging skin care.  If the studies say this, then why is it I find so many of my women clients still dealing with the body and age issues?  Must I assume that I have an unusual cross-section of society? Do I deal with misfits?

 Absolutely not! The women that come to me are brilliant: confident in their expertise, knowledgeable in what they can offer to the world and very respected in their fields. Yet, some will still find themselves sucker-punched by self-esteem issues as they head into the often-competitive platform of media that can launch them into the level of success that they know they deserve.  This happens even though these women have triumphed over tribulation.  They are fighters.

  So, how does a good fighter deal with a sucker-punch? There may be a moment to recompose, but once she’s got a good recoil, that responding punch will knock the socks off of anyone, or anything that tries to tell her she can’t accomplish something!

The issue of negative body image seems to be, quite frankly beaten to death. Resurrected, and beaten again.

 Everywhere we look, we see headlines condemning the media for creating this obsession with our bodies, and yet, the headlines themselves are developed from the same source that put the retouched photos, and deathly thin models in the spotlight in the first place.  It seems this could go on in perpetuity; a vicious cycle of deliberate image distortion and glamorization of extreme low body weight leading to damaged self esteem in women, and then we are fed a remedy of nurturing-sounded magazine articles on how to “love ourselves as we are”, only to turn the page to another photo-shopped 30 year-old selling wrinkle cream.

The cycle begins again.

Psychology Today refers to studies that show women in their 40’s to have a grasp on this cycle.  We recognize it as an evil strategy to sell magazines, weight loss formulas and anti-aging skin care.  If the studies say this, then why is it I find so many of my women clients still dealing with the body and age issues?  Must I assume that I have an unusual cross-section of society? Do I deal with misfits?

Absolutely not! The women that come to me are brilliant; confident in their expertise, knowledgeable in what they can offer to the world and very respected in their fields. Yet, some will still find themselves sucker-punched by self-esteem issues as they head into the often-competitive platform of media that can launch them into the level of success that they know they deserve.  This happens even though these women have triumphed over tribulation.  They are fighters.

So, how does a good fighter deal with a sucker-punch? There may be a moment to recompose, but once she’s got a good recoil, that responding punch will nock the socks off of anyone, or anything that tries to tell her she can’t accomplish something!

How do we knock the demon of damaged-self-image down?  Here are a few suggestions:

• Know that the woman that you think is younger, more fit or more beautiful than you thinks less of herself than you can imagine.  I’ve been her.  Trust me.  She may very well be intimidated by your experience and doubting herself much more intensely than you know.

• You are not your thighs:  Know that when you walk into a talk show set, or into an interview to pitch your product, the show producers are rooting for you! For gosh sakes, they want to know that you will be the guest that will make their audience happy so they get cudos for doing a good job!  Looks alone won’t cut it in this department!  You need to know your stuff, be entertaining and effective in your message. Bring them what their audience wants to hear.  Know that if you do this, no nip or tuck will ever be good enough to allow someone else to stand in your way.

• Know that you are stronger than your negative thoughts.  OK, this may sound like a quote from one of the nurturing magazine articles that I mentioned before, but I like this advice, and I’m stickin’ with it!  Successful people are programmed to survive, and survival can depend on letting that negative stuff get pummeled by positive thought.  It might take a surge of mental effort, but the more you practice, that positivism can work like a laser beam at dismantling the bomb of negative self image.

Consider yourself armed and ready.  This battle is won.  Your adoring audience awaits you.  Give them what they came for, and so much more, of course!

Find your authenticity and stand out from the crowd.

When did I become obsessed with note cards? I know no one else that can spend 30 minutes contemplating stationery; evaluating each available design and qualifying them by the projected emotional reaction each card will evoke when opened by the recipient. I eliminate them one by one, “ too corporate,” “not professional enough,” “ too girlie”…. This process took over half an hour!

It might be understandable if I was in a stationery store the size of Bev Mo, but I was in front of a 3-foot wide stand in a bookstore. A guy at the café table right behind me ordered his latte, drank it, and finished his magazine by the time I decided between the Chinese flower and the French lettering!

So what was my deal? I now know that every time I send a note card, it is a representation of my brand, much like a business card, but I wanted it to seem personal, no logo, or tag lines… yet it should have the feeling that I might have designed it. I wanted “authentically me.”

I finally found my perfect cards. I was pretty darn happy, too that I feel so clear on my brand these days that I was able to make that decision with such accuracy.

I was not always clear on my brand. In the very beginning of my business I remember when I couldn’t tell people exactly what made me different. It took some work, but I got clear in my brand, clear in my message, and increased my business and back account.

Are you clear in your brand? Does your visual brand match what you have in print? In other words, when you speak about your business, on TV or in person, do you create the response that you want? Do people act on your call to action? Do they see the value in what you know, and what you do?

If not, look to see if your authenticity is showing….

The Boring Lawyer
I met a man the other night that was nervously preparing to talk to a group of professionals about real estate law. “What I do is boring,” he said… Well, good grief, it will be if he walks in with that attitude!

He really likes what he does, but doesn’t feel comfortable speaking in front of people or cameras. So, he feeds his fear of speaking, (which is a fear of rejection, really), by suggesting that his material is boring, and they will never like him! He has built in his excuse for failure!

I saw a better presenter in this guy:
My suggestion was for him to bring a story; He mentioned he is very fond of his dogs, so I proposed he start his presentation with story that includes them. He feels comfortable with that topic, and he will seem more approachable when the group sees a personal side to him. instead of a stiff lawyer that they might expect to see. I helped him find a thread in his story that took him into his first point of his presentation. He got very excited about this idea!

Now, he won’t just be the “lawyer that had the PowerPoint presentation on disclosures,” but he will be “the owner of the Frisbee dog they can see at the park on Saturday mornings! Oh, yeah, and he really knows his stuff when it comes to disclosures… I should give him a call… I liked him!”

What’s happening here?  He is allowing his authenticity to show, and he standing out from the crowd.

Stories are one of the most memorable ways to create your visual brand, and show your authentic difference from your competition. Having a stable of stories can be ammunition in the interview circuit, too! If you need help getting those stories down, grab a coach and get them ready. It will pay off in the end. Literally!

Then you can “thank” your coach with a nice note card!

I saw a painful surveillance video the other day showing a thief attempting an escape from police by climbing a ten-foot ladder.  He plummeted to the ground on the first attempt. The sirens grew louder and he tried again, and fell. In fact, he fell five more times to the cement floor of the store he had attempted to rob before he made his escape. It was almost comical, and the news anchors joked about his tenacity. In his case, fear of getting caught and facing jail time fueled him, and he succeeded in eluding the police. While I certainly don’t condone thievery, I thought, “Lucky thief,” and noted that his fear worked to save him.

That same night, I listened to a preacher talk about busy-ness in our lives.  He pointed out that this franticness that so often can overtake our lives is fueled by fear.  Especially in the current economy, the fear of not being able to pay the bills or the mortgage can be suffocating, and so folks will work themselves nearly to death, sometimes at the loss of their marriage, health and happiness. Fear can destroy lives and opportunities.

If I were to ask you to think back, I am sure you can remember distinct moments when fear was empowering and you accomplished something great and other times when it held you back, or hurt you.  Fear is always there.  It is a part of life.

Fear is primal.  Humans like every mammal have the instinctive reaction of flight or fight when faced with a possibly dangerous situation.  This inherent mechanism is essential for survival.   It is our ability to analyze the actual level of danger in a given circumstance that will enable us, as humans, to use fear to our advantage! 

Public speaking and now, television cameras can cause intense fear.  For years, surveys on common fears show that public speaking is second only to the fear of dying!

If your knees shake before you are about to walk on stage and the butterflies in your stomach feel more like angry wasps, then you may be feeling the primal response to fear, and it’s time to make that reaction work to your advantage.

Mentally:

• First, in all probability, no one is going to die from speaking in front of people, or a camera.  Flight is not necessary.  Check that off!
• Next, those knocking knees are a result of energy that is surging through your body, and energy is contagious, and therefore great to have when you are seeking to connect with an audience, so embrace that sense of being so wonderfully alive! 
• Remind yourself that you are darn good at what you do, and what you know. Faith can dispel fear… have faith in yourself!  IDEA: create a little cheer, as you might if a small child needed to be encouraged.  Now repeat that positive reinforcement to yourself and be as accepting of those encouraging words as a small child would be!  If a child really wants something, they get it, right?  Now, go for it!

 Physically:

• The extra energy you are feeling in your tummy and limbs needs to be burned off a bit…  find what works for you; it may be jumping up and down, or touching your toes and stretching with vigor. One speaker shared with me just last week that she would do a routine of movements to relax and focus her before every speech, sometimes in the restroom, to the dismay of other patrons!
• Breathe. Take air deeply in through your nose and concentrate on filling the lower lobes of your lungs. Exhale through your mouth, keeping the breath even. Force the breath out until there is nothing left.  Repeat as necessary.
• Still have extra energy “on stage”?  Try this trick, (it works best if you are standing): Your weight should be grounding you in your back leg, with one foot slightly forward, kind of like a dancer’s first position.  In this solid stance, you can burn some energy off by tensing the buttocks muscle attached to that back leg and then release.  No one will know, and the largest muscle in the body will burning the edge off that energy! 

Make friends with Fear.  It will always be there, but it need not control you. It can be a reassuring presence to energize you, and give you that edge that you need in order to be your best when you are delivering your message, or your story. 

There is nothing that Fear and Faith cannot enable you to do.

Find the freedom that comes from giving you a break

Are you a perfectionist? If your automatic response is “no!” I invite you to take a closer look; there is a well-meaning perfectionist in every one of us!

Wanting to be the best, and see things executed to the highest level of quality is a good direction to set your business compass but, I see this quest for perfection keeping people from reaching their true potential nearly every day. 

Sometimes the perfectionist inside of a very talented client will keep her from even getting in front of a camera, until she “can lose these ten pounds, then, I’ll do this!” Weeks, months or even years can go by and many opportunities to promote and grow her brand recognition are lost.

Other times the perfectionist side of a person can manifest a near obsession with the “perfect take”:  “I have to eliminate that stutter, and the blinking, and hit that key point harder…” It may sound constructive self-criticism, but I have seen hours wasted and temperaments tested by this type of paralyzing thought.  It does not make for a positive experience; Trust me on this, I’ve done it myself!

The antidote to perfectionism paralysis is a new perspective! Here’s when I discovered mine:

It was a few years ago; a conversation on stardom is taking place in my favorite acting class (I know, no surprise there!)  My acting coach points out that the most famous movie stars capture our hearts because of their imperfections. We love to watch our heroes overcome obstacles despite their imperfections in their films, and that is why we cannot get enough of them.  It’s their brokenness, and not their perfect-ness, that draws our empathy.

Consider Sandra Bullock, nominated now for an Academy Award for The Blind Side. For years she was known for her clumsy girl-next-door appeal in her films, and in her interviews, she openly jokes about herself and even snorts with laughter.  Not perfect by the old charm school standards but this imperfect appeal has carried her latest movie to the box office success of $249,000,000 and still counting!

Even our leading men have a brokenness that is far from perfect… think of your favorite, is it Russell Crowe, or Mel Gibson, Kevin Costner or Robert Downey Jr?  Chances are, you will see there is vulnerability there that hints through every performance and that is what we connect with.  It’s not the perfect looks, and it’s not the perfect clothes, or body… it’s the human-ness.

How does this relate to you, if you just want to talk about your passion for your business, and not be a movie star, you ask?  Because it is this empathy of the human sprit and the reassuring comfort of familiar imperfections, (especially, in those that lead us!) that bonds us.  Understanding that concept makes it so much easier to allow for a few flaws in your program, or a stutter, or those extra pounds that only you see anyway!  Perfection is overrated and exhausting to try to achieve… so tell your inner perfectionist to head to her trailer and get her stuff…  she’s outta here!  It’s time for you to enjoy not having her nagging on your shoulder! 

Now get out there and enjoy being real, and feeling that connection with the people that you want to influence.  Enjoy your freedom to be!

Keep the resistance to a minimum by incorporating these elements

The Olympic sled racers inspire me.   How meticulously they must train to eliminate every bit of resistance in order to win, and victory often is determined in mere portions of a second!

To be a champion in our chosen field, we should be meticulous, too, with our words. Every time we have the opportunity to talk about our expertise, we are either creating a flow of energy around us that will streamline our path to our goals, or it will create resistance that we must then work to overcome.

Streamlined sounds much better, doesn’t it?

It is impossible to eliminate all the bumps in the track, but if you include these basic elements when you talk to the media, mingle at networking events or get interviewed those bumps can propel you forward or hardly slow you at all. 

1. Share your passion.  Why do you love what you do?  Denis Waitely has counseled winners in every field from Apollo astronauts to Superbowl champions, and he says, “Chase your passion, not your pension….” If you live your passion, then share it! When you speak of your work with passion, people will be naturally drawn to you. On the other hand, if you appear to be speaking from a place of lack (looking for a form of payment; a next client or a next contract – “your pension”) they will sense it and move away emotionally, if not physically.
2. Find your common ground.  What will help your audience understand you? (keep in mind your “audience” may be one, or millions of people, but the same principle applies) Have you been where they are in their life, maybe dealing with a problem that needs to be overcome, or do you share a common interest? If they identify with you as a like individual, then they will find it easier to empathize with you, and want to hear what you have to say.
3. Show your uniqueness. What makes you different and better than anyone else?  Is it in your history?  Sharing an experience that sparked your passion can be a great way to set yourself apart. For example: A famous actress designed a line of silver jewelry for a well-known chain of stores.  You may have seen the commercials over the holidays.  Her jewelry was memorable because of the heartfelt story of her mother that she told in the commercial, and how the designs reminded her of her mother’s words of wisdom.   The unique story of her designs made them a hit with consumers.
4. Solve their problem.  You may not have a white horse, but you may appear to be a knight in shining armor if you offer a solution to a major problem! What problem do you solve with your business? Keep your senses alert for any indication of a struggle that your expertise might help to soothe. 
5. Practice “situational awareness”.  Ok, I admit, I made up the term, but I use it all the time; obviously, your delivery style will be different if you are speaking about hepatitis to a tattoo convention, or to a group of doctors.  What may not be obvious to some, however, is the difference in delivery needed in different mediums: Just today, Cindy Rakowitz, A very successful publicist in Los Angeles referred to the different demeanor that may be advised for a print interview verses a television show.  Gestures and voice must be altered in order to handle electronic media, like teleconferencing.  Know what is appropriate for the venue in which you stand.  I see train wrecks every day with talented people that don’t practice “situational awareness!”  It can be painful.
6. *( Here’s a bonus) Keep your ultimate audience in mind.  Who in the world do you most want to influence?  Remember the “act as if’ game?  It applies to your performance every time you mention what you do, and share your story.  If you expected a room of 300 and there are only 20 seats filled, share with them as if they are your ultimate audience.  You never know whom you will be affecting, and how close that ultimate experience might be!

We have heard the phrase, “God doesn’t make junk,” but do we realize how divinely equipped we each are?  Do we wake up in the morning and see a reflection of God’s best work in our mirror, or do we focus on the negative?  Do we see only the things that we would like to improve in our lives instead of the gifts we innately have?  So often, we see only those few pounds of weight that never seems to leave us or the friend that doesn’t call anymore or that big break that never seems to come. We can magnify these negative things until they become beliefs, and fear is nourished by negative beliefs.

I have caught myself being pulled into that way of thinking, but my higher consciousness, or, as I like to say “my smarter self,” knows nothing positive will come of it. That’s when I remind myself that we are all “divinely and wonderfully made.”  Until I accept this as fact, I am starving the Spirit and standing in my own way.

In my profession, I help people overcome one of the biggest fears known to man: the fear of public speaking and its dear cousin: fear of speaking on camera.  Fears are created and conquered in the mind first therefore; the biggest obstacle to overcoming the fear of speaking on camera or in public is the belief that we are not ready.  It is my job, and my good pleasure, to show people that if they have the desire to share their message with an audience, then they are probably already divinely equipped to do just that.

When we stand in our own way, we stand in the way of what could be God’s plan for us. So, what does standing in our own way really look like in the mind? Here are few things I’ve learned along the way in overcoming my own obstacles and in working with others:

• Fear of not being accepted, based on how we look.
• Fear of not being accepted, based on the message we are bringing.
• Fear of not being perfect in our presentation, and guess what?  Not being accepted.

We have all heard the acronym, “F.E.A.R. as False Evidence Appearing Real.” So here’s the good news about conquering those fears we’ve been discussing: they are all false until you believe them!

Previously I mentioned my belief that if we have the desire to share a message about something, then there is already a natural ability given to us to connect to exactly the audience that needs to hear it.  I absolutely believe in preparing your skills as a communicator, and that there is great value in researching your target audience… this way you are sure to be reaching those that are most ready for what you are offering.  These are things that a professional media trainer or coach can assist with.  While there is true value in learning the art of speaking, the foundational strength to any charismatic communicator is the passion for their subject and the authenticity with which they share that passion.  Any training on the art of presenting is icing on the cake, but the batter is made of basic ingredients: passion and authenticity.

 Here are a few tips to consider when preparing for an opportunity to speak that may help alleviate some fear and increase confidence:

• Show your passion: If you are not passionate about the subject you are speaking about… find a way to be passionate about it or think about speaking on subjects that bring you more joy.
• Be a giver: Find confidence in what you are offering.  Know that you are bringing something good to others, and you will be enriching their lives. Show them how your life has been changed by your service, your journey, your product, whatever it is at the heart of your message. By sharing what comes form your heart, you will connect to theirs. 

When you allow your passion, and your purpose to be a gift to others, you have no room for the negative thoughts that create fear.   One of my business coaches said, “When you enter a dark room, and flip a light switch, the light dispels the dark with out us even questioning how.”  You are divinely equipped so,  flip the switch and allow your true light to dispel your fears.

Service. I used to look at the word differently. Of course, I appreciated great service when I received it in a restaurant or hotel, but I didn’t associate the word with service to others in regards to what I can do for them. My appreciation of service has become more pronounced because of my venture into the entrepreneurial world; as I observe the most successful and charismatic public figures, I can’t help but observe that I am undeniably drawn to those that give back.  I am particularly aware of those that first serve the world with their talent and then share those blessings in charity.

We all know people like this.  When asked to picture someone that fits this description, you may immediately think of someone in ministry or military, but how about the business professional that actively looks to serve?

War hero, Nathan Hale said, “I am not influenced by the expectation of promotion or pecuniary reward. I wish to be useful, and every kind of service necessary for the public good, becomes honorable by being necessary.”

What vital service do you provide?  How can you help people?  How do you find the recipients that your talents would best serve?

Service.  Imagine if you were to approach every opportunity to promote what you do with that in mind first? We may consider it a lovely thought, but can it be manifested into reality? It makes sense, that as a business professional, your focus might be on the possible rewards from a media opportunity, large networking function or an important studio pitch meeting. But when you enter those events with a new mindset of servitude, the payoff can be amazing on a personal and professional level.

Think about this: Have you ever met someone that you admired, and they asked about you?   A friend once related a story about a major recording star that he shared a moment with.  The country-music artist had a song that my friend had associated with the loss of his daughter.  He met the star, and the thing that amazed him most about Garth Brooks was not his obvious talent, but his attitude of servitude. Songwriting is an expression of emotions that others may not be able to articulate and can sometimes heal the soul.  Garth embraced that.

What talents do you possess that might lead to a healing or a breakthrough for someone?

A prosperous life and financial resources can be a great reward, but our eyes needn’t always be on the reward to receive it. If we focus on serving others first, we might temporarily lose sight of the reward, but when the time is right-it is all that more glorious!

How to avoid a common mistake in storytelling

Are you a specialist in your field?  Do you have a way of working, coaching, developing a product or creating art that is so unique that you can’t wait to talk about it?  That’s fantastic!  There are people eagerly awaiting your story, and hungry for what you have to offer.  The trick is not to bore them before they get to the good stuff about you!

We all have experienced the situation that I am talking about; You simple ask, “ what is it you do?”  to a new acquaintance and what seems like an eternity later, the flood of information is still rising  and you are searching the room for a rescue.

Well-intentioned as this person may be, they suffer from what my husband has termed “lack of situational awareness”.

We certainly don’t want to think that we could ever be that person (heaven forbid!) but there is an awareness that we need to have when we develop our stories; I am speaking specifically of stories that we tell about ourselves, what we do, and how we help others.  These stories are crucial to the success of entrepreneurs, authors, coaches… really anyone that wants to be successful and influence others.

The key is to keep your story succinct.  Follow this easy template:

• Who are you?  Or Who is the person/ client that you helped?
• What happened to you or them?  What was the problem?
• What did you do?
• What is the result of your actions/ program/teaching, etc?

The most difficult of these steps for most enthusiastic professionals is the third one, “what did you do?”  (This is where “succinct” gets forgotten) This step is the most difficult because a specialist loves what they do, and wants to proudly say “how” they do it.  Problem is, the listener, at least initially, is more attracted to “what was the result?”  Don’t forget, it is human nature to constantly use the filtering question, “what’s in it for me?”    Drown your listener with your “process” and they won’t see the payoff quickly enough, and they zone out.  Eyes glaze over and a polite exit from the conversation will most likely me next. 

To prevent that disconnect, learn to be aware of when you go into “process.”

An example:

A woman named Liza runs an alcohol  recovery program.  She proudly tells: “ A 21 year old man was brought to me; he was living on the streets, hungry and very thin and truly didn’t know how he would survive the next night, I introduced him to our unique program and within months he learned that he could contribute  greatly to society, and now owns a business, and a home and is living a life he could not imagine just two years ago!”

Curious about that program, huh?  Notice, nothing is said about the process of what she does… the experience of the young man’s recovery is engaging, and we are left to ask the question, “ wow, what is this program?”  If you get the listener to want to know more, then you have permission to go into what your process actually is.

Had Liza gone into detail right in the beginning, “ we placed in him a room in our facility where there was 24 hour watch, and provided him with nutritional testing, and a need-specific diet.  We engaged him in group session and single therapy sessions on a daily basis until…. ( blah blah…uh huh), how many people would be ready to ask for more information?  There would be no need, and the experience of the man’s story would have been diluted by excess of words.

It takes some practice to understand what “process” tallk sounds like…    I had a coach that would call me on it! Every time I would start to describe the “How I do It” she would shout, “process!”  (And I would hate her momentarily…  but, it helped!)

Focus on the experience of what you do.  Let them see how you can help them, their company, their loved one.  Then, let them ask for more.

Watching others present and host can create a false need to be like them, and we may not even realize that we are creating that expectation for ourselves!

You have uniqueness and your own style and presence that cannot be duplicated, and so do the people that you are watching.  Don’t misunderstand, admiration is fine and appreciation of talent is great. Watching great communicators can be a powerful bit of homework when you are training to be excellent in that area yourself!

The trick to freeing your charisma comes from the ability to blend what you appreciate in others with your own attributes that no one else processes.  Sometimes it takes someone on the outside with a trained eye to help you do just that. 

As a media trainer it is sometimes my biggest challenge and the most rewarding aspect of what I do.

Experience how it feels to free the flow of your natural Charisma and its power of attraction with our private sessions and workshops.  http://www.charismaoncamera.com/Classes_Workshops.html

Need to know more?  Contact me at Sandra@charismaoncamera.com, or 866 -672-3818.   I’ll book your free phone consultation to determine if our training will benefit you!

I have been at odds with a crooked palm tree for a long time.

Every time I would enter my bedroom, my eyes would inevitably focus on this plant and I would sigh in irritation. For whatever reason this palm has grown sideways, twisted, and then just slightly upward.  It defies the rule of a straight and majestic palm.  It was not pretty to me. Since I can’t discard a living thing, I placed it in the master bedroom because it was less likely to be seen by guests.  That decision prompted the lesson because I inadvertently positioned it in my eye line every day.

In truth, I saw it as a representation of how off-course parts of my life were. I had new business ventures and my learning curve resembled the path of an arcade pinball.  Some days I would be right on track, then an unforeseen challenge would knock me to the side and I’d want to start all over.  The tree mocked me. I scowled at it.   I wished it straight.  Then I’d wish it dead.  I imagined how pretty that area of the room would be with a lovely “perfect” tree in its place. It taunted me daily.

Just this past weekend, we had several plants treated to their much-needed repotting and feeding; as the crooked palm was lifted back inside the house I was sitting with my business coach.  I saw her eyes glance toward the offensive plant and I immediately quipped, “ I don’t know what to do with that, It’s so ugly.  I don’t know why it has grown like that.”  

Her simply stated response was filled with the type of wisdom that comes naturally to a great coach. With an appreciative evaluation of the twisted trunk, she said, “It’s not ugly.  Think of it as a lovely symbol of how the path to success is not a straight one, but as long as you are still growing, success is still being achieved.” 

I contemplated the tree with this new filter.

Certainly, this palm was persevering, despite the odds that caused its deformity in the past.  The leaves were bright and fresh green could be seen as new shoots were sprouting.  It was still reaching for the sky, undaunted.  It was really something beautiful.

I love this tree now. 

How many times do we sigh in disgust at our perceived inadequacies, or try to hide our flaws at the cost of the progressive experience of learning to accept ourselves, as we are, where we are.  I’ll admit I’m guilty.

I work with very smart, successful, talented individuals to overcome inaccurate perceptions of their shortcomings every day (Almost nothing can help with this better than a camera lens).  Often, the very thing that we think of as an obvious personal weakness is part of our uniqueness that is so attractive to others.

A nursing professional doing an informative video for others in her field need not worry that she doesn’t have the polish and cadence of an entertainment reporter; it’s her down-to earth approach to her information and her subtle, honest humor that will create a comfort level with her particular audience. She is perfectly equipped.

I always recommend media training to really share information efficiently, of course, but I also firmly believe that we are perfectly and divinely gifted with the individual characteristics that enable us to best communicate with our desired audience.  Our perception may be the only thing standing in the way of our greatness.  Sometimes it takes an outsider to help us appreciate our most beautiful assets.

Where are the beautiful crooked trees in your life?